Table of Contents

Episode 1

Introduction

Episode 1 : I want to go home

This is more than a story of a man.

This is more than the story of a Viking.

This is a metaphor for the destruction of home life and the rebirth of High Adventure.

And why you don't f*** with Lars.

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Once upon a time...too cheesy.

There was once...not that either.

Lars5000 was out of fuel. His Spirit was running dangerously low. Actually, he was out. Unfortunately for both Lars and the small suburban home on which he landed, Lars' ship, the "Flying Viking", ran on the Spirit of Adventure. Lars was bored. His ship got bored. Gravity didn't.

The ship was a Viking ship. You all know what those look like, right? Big sails. Oars coming out of the sides. Right? Cover it with metal and replace the sails with some sick speakers and a 7'5" blonde haired man in a Viking helmet and a suit of armor made apparently of polished scrap metal. And a battleax.

The "Viking" shot through the atmosphere at an acceleration rate of 9.8 m/s, and finally landed on a small suburban home on a strange, mostly blue, planet.

The blonde man descended from the mast in a single graceful leap, landing upon the wreckage of the house, ax in hand, and let out a battlecry with little enthusiasm.

A small asian stereotype started screaming at the wreckage before being stunned by the size of Lars.

Dressed in a simple collared shirt and baggy jeans (without rips) and a comb-over to cover his bald spot, Timothy Zedong's very existence was in stark contrast to the amazing sight of the warrior. As such, he wet him self and defecated.

"COMRADE! Where is your Spirit of Adventure?" Lars asked as he monched on a turkey leg.

Timothy shook his head and picked a new collared shirt and new jeans of the exact same design as well as some new drawers and began to change before registering the Viking.

"What?!" Timothy asked, bewildered. "Comrade? Are you Soviet or something?"

"What is Soviet, comrade? I am a Space Viking!"

Newly changed, Timothy still was confused about his new title. "But why comrade? I am not your partner in battle."

"We are ALL comrades in the battle against Tyranny, and his wicked Mistress, InJustice!" Lars said, lifting the milkshake up to the sunlight.

"Wasn't that a turkey leg?"

"No. Space Vikings are allergic to turkey, Comrade."

"I could've sworn...SPACE VIKING? What the hell?"

Lars smirked and lifted up the turkey leg above his head. "I am Lars5000! Parenting cyborg turned Space Viking from the FUTURE!!!! I live for the end of Tyranny and the rebirth of High Adventure!"

Timothy sighed. "Good thing my wife and children weren't...OH GOD SHE PICKED THEM UP EARLY TODAY!!!"

Lars immediately started sobbing. "NO!!! ODIN DAMN YOU EARLY RELEASE DAYS!!!"

Timothy, tears streaming down his face, screamed "GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF YOU CRAZY SON OF A B****!!!"

Lars jumped down the pile tossing a dead baby aside, and exclaimed, "COMRADE! That is a wonderful idea for adventure." He lifted his battleax and (not so gently) let the flat land on either of Timothy's shoulders. "I dub thee, source of renewed adventure after all hoped seemed lost, the personification of VALHALLA!!!"

Timothy, barely consious and suffering potentially permanent damage to his shoulders, said weakly, "But my name is Timothy..."

Lars laughed a heartly laugh. "Does not matter Valhalla. Your true name shall be stored at the Grand Hall of Names on Nero 7 in the Galactus System. Now, on to ADVENTURE!!!"
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Introduction

Everyone has a dream.

Many people have children.

Few people have been Vikings.

Nobody has ever been a Space Viking from the Future.

Until now...

Now, you can feel free to be amazed, horrified, shocked, and possibly aroused, by a 6'17" man with long blond hair and a well kept beard who (wielding a gigantonormous battle ax) claims to be a parental Cyborg turned Space Viking and traveled back in time to give his 9 adopted children a history lesson, became a stay-home dad doing very well doing one of those "work from home" pseudo-jobs you see online all the time and always thought was a scam, and patiently waited for his children to grow up when he realised that Time Travel had not been invented yet and he had (completely by accident) named the children after the founders of these future technologies. Afterwards (he claims) Lars5000 decided to swap out his programmed parenting functions and become a Space Viking, voyaging to the ends of Space and pillaging the plague of Evil that he believes may possibly have spread across the Universe. Sounds like a nutjob. But would you disagree?

Wait.

Before you answer, he has sparkling blue eyes, is very charismatic, has a giant battleax and looks like he glued magnets to his chest, went to a junkyard, got into a fight with some polished scrap metal and won.

So is he a Space Viking? Only time will tell!